Sense & Sensitivity

Reader Thinks Husband Is Having an Affair

DEAR HARRIETTE: I suspect that my husband is having an affair. I travel a lot for work, and recently, whenever I am away and I call him, he is out. Most often he tells me he is with a woman who is his friend.

I have known this woman for a long time. She has been divorced for a few years and is often upset about the reality of her life post-divorce. My husband and I have had a bit of a rocky relationship in recent years, and my gut says that he is finding solace with her. It is true that I have been frustrated by him and not at all attracted to him in that way, but I figured that’s part of marriage. Now I’m not so sure. Should I ask him if he is having an affair? I have no interest in playing games. -- What's the Deal?, Chicago

DEAR WHAT’S THE DEAL?: You sound pretty matter-of-fact about your reality. Do you know what you are prepared to do if your husband admits to having an affair? You need to be clear on that. Decide what you want in your marriage. Is it worth saving? How can you work with your husband to reignite some form of intimacy? Are you interested or willing to determine how to heal from such a breach of trust?

If he is not having an affair, it brings up even more questions. What is wrong with your marriage, and can you approach him about it to see what both of you can do to improve it?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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