Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Ex-Husband Wants to Walk Woman Down Aisle

DEAR HARRIETTE: In two months -- after a mandatory one-year separation -- my divorce will be final. During this past year, I finally told my best friend, the man I wanted to marry in the first place, how I feel about him. He responded with great joy and told me he has felt the same way about me for many years. We are extremely happy together. He loves spending time with me doing the same things I enjoy, which is the basis of our friendship. My relationship with him is the exact opposite of the one I had with my ex-husband.

My problem is that my ex wants to give me away at my next wedding. When I told him I wanted our 2-year-old to walk down the aisle with me, he said no because he wants to be the one to do it. Then he added that it's his "right" to give me away, since he's my husband. My fiance and I don't even want my ex to attend because we're afraid he will act a fool. He's angry with my fiance because he was the best man when my ex and I married.

I am considering allowing him to walk me down the aisle because our daughter might want him at the wedding -- even though he rarely sees her. I feel guilty not wanting my ex at the wedding, but I will finally be marrying the man I wish I'd married in the first place, and I want the day to be fun and happy. What do you think about my ex's demand? -- So Confused, Bronx, New York

DEAR SO CONFUSED: Your ex should NOT walk you down the aisle. Nor should he be invited to the wedding. Handle your business. Get divorced. Then plan your wedding. Keep the lines divided, even as you remain cordial to your ex. Because you have a child together, he will remain in your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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