DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I have been spending a lot of time with, but I’m getting tired of her. She constantly complains and talks about people. I’m not exaggerating. We will start talking about something, and within a few minutes she will change the subject and mention someone she has a beef with. It’s amazing now that I am noticing it. I guess I wasn’t paying close attention before.
Now that I see what she does, I don’t want to keep talking to her. I have asked her to stop, by the way. I let her know that this is her pattern. She brushed it off, said I was wrong and then fell back into it. Would I be wrong to phase her out of my life? I can’t take it anymore. -- Walk Away, Philadelphia
DEAR WALK AWAY: This is the perfect time of year for evaluating friendships and deciding how to move forward. You have every right to edit your friend relationships if they are no longer serving you. But be kind about it. I always say that endings are more important than beginnings. At the start of any type of relationship, people typically put their best foot forward. In the end, they usually are just ready to walk. To walk with grace and dignity requires that you treat the person you are leaving with respect. Be kind and firm. You can decide consciously to stop engaging her but still offer good wishes. You may have to say you have some things you are working on in the new year that will be filling your time so you won’t be able to spend time together like you have. Close the door without slamming it by being thoughtful and firm.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)