DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a very nice guy for about a year. He is super-ambitious and consistent. I know he likes me a lot, and the feeling is mutual. He is getting a master’s degree and working hard to improve his life. The problem is, he lost his apartment more than two years ago and now lives in a men’s shelter. I didn’t know that at first. It’s not that he hid it from me. But as you can imagine, he didn’t talk about it when we first met. I can tell he’s going places and getting his life together. I’m sure he won’t be there forever.
When I’ve told my friends about him, including his living conditions, they say I’m crazy and should run for the hills. They called him a loser who can never provide for me. I’m not looking for someone to “provide for me," though my guess is that he will be able to take care of both of us in due time. How do I manage my friends’ judgment? I don’t want to lose them or him. -- Being Judged, Harlem, New York
DEAR BEING JUDGED: If you feel like you want to be with this man, make that clear to him and to your friends. Encourage your boyfriend to continue on his journey of improving his life. Let your friends know you appreciate him for all he is, including how he is working to get out of his current living conditions. Ask them to stop judging him on where he lays his head or how much money is in his pocket. You believe in him.