DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has been invited to so many bar and bat mitzvahs that it’s hard to count. I like that her friends want to include her in everything, but it is pretty expensive to go to all of these events. This is not because there is a charge. It’s all the other stuff, starting with new clothes for multiple events. And while there is no expected amount to be given for a gift, it is considered culturally and spiritually appropriate to give money in increments of $18. How can I get my daughter to all of these parties in comfort without going broke? -- Being 13, Westchester, New York
DEAR BEING 13: Your job is to plan it all out. Decide how many dresses you can and will pay for, and let your daughter know she will have to rotate them through the party cycle. Assure her that she will not be the only one wearing a dress more than once. As far as gifts go, do the same. Figure out how many of these events your daughter is likely to attend, to whom she is the closest and what you can afford to give. If you want to stick with the increments of $18, it’s OK to give $18. For those who are close friends, give more if you can. Make sure your daughter writes a lovely card for each mitzvah. Be sure to donate to the charity of a child’s choice if they defer you to a charity rather than a personal gift.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)