DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is a hoarder. He saves everything from his old teeth to plastic bags. It revolts me and causes me embarrassment. He grew up during a war, so I sympathize with his compulsion to keep whatever goods he can. Luckily for me, we live oceans apart, and I don’t have to see the living conditions he brazenly fights for. (The family has tried helping to no avail.)
My husband has never met my father, and has recently expressed interest in taking a trip. I have never told him much about my father, and I don’t want them to meet. How can I keep the men in my life separate? -- Honesty Isn’t the Best Policy, Los Angeles
DEAR HONESTY ISN’T THE BEST POLICY: Don’t allow your embarrassment over your father’s life circumstances deprive your husband of meeting him. Instead, tell the truth. Admit that you are embarrassed because you have no idea what state your father’s home will be in since you know he’s a hoarder. Tell your husband that the thought of a visit makes your skin crawl, but you love both of them enough to make the effort. Without belaboring the reality of your father’s physical circumstances, tell your husband what you know and what the family has told you.
Then, focus on the good things. Share stories with your husband about your father that reveal his character as well as anything you remember about your interactions growing up with him. Be descriptive as you show positive, illustrative stories that will help paint a picture of who your father is.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)