DEAR HARRIETTE: All of my friends who still have their parents are dealing with the fragility of their parents in one way or another. That includes me, by the way. It seems like every few months or so one of them dies.
I feel horrible, but I don’t always remember who is living and who has passed on. I made the mistake last year of asking about the father of one of my friends, only to be told that he had died months earlier. I was mortified. What should I say to friends if I am uncertain about their parents' mortality? -- Aging Parents, Pensacola, Florida
DEAR AGING PARENTS: Start by getting organized to the best of your ability. Make a written list of your friends and acquaintances, and write down their parents’ names and whether they are living -- to your knowledge. To verify, you may be able to check online, or ask friends who are close to them. When someone passes, make a note of it on your list. This may seem morbid, but it’s practical. It helps you to keep track of how to honor your friends and their parents. If you record the dates of the parents’ passing, you may even choose to be extra sensitive with friends on those anniversaries.
When you are unsure, be vague, and keep your questions about your friend. You can ask how the person is doing. That open-ended question often leads to a rich harvest of information. If you listen, you will likely learn the status of parents -- and many other personal facts.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)