DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, "Renata," lives in the same town as me, and we frequently have our children play together as “group baby-sitting” to get some free time. I’ve noticed that separately she has been using my oldest daughter as a baby sitter, but not paying her because Renata thinks that my daughter, "Anna," would be home regardless. I don’t think it’s right for Anna to feel burdened to baby-sit her siblings and cousins whenever her aunt sees fit. How do I confront Renata about her behavior? -- No Family Discount, Annapolis, Maryland
DEAR NO FAMILY DISCOUNT: What has yet to occur is for the two of you to set parameters for baby-sitting in your family. What is the difference between “group baby-sitting” and the times when Renata brings her children over? Renata may see no difference. It isn’t obvious to me. If you want your daughter to be paid for baby-sitting the group of siblings and cousins, why not pay her for these engagements?
You and Renata should agree on a fee that you will pay her for the group baby-sitting times. It will be your job to enforce that both of you pay your share. When Renata brings her children over to be watched, let her know what she should pay Anna for that. Follow up to ensure that she is paid. While it is expected that older children should help care for their siblings sometimes as part of family duty, it would be kind of you to pay Anna with some consistency so that she will not be confused and will learn to value her time just as you value it.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)