DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced parent who does not have full custody of my children. My ex-wife and I get along well, but she has recently been harping on me for missing my son’s basketball games. I work long hours to be able to have my son play sports and have all the newest clothes, so I can’t leave work early to go to these games. My ex says it affects my son, and I’m being a bad father. Should I just ignore what my ex-wife says? My son seems happy with the gifts I can give him, and those come from my long hours at work. -- Not Always Around, Silver Spring, Maryland
DEAR NOT ALWAYS AROUND: Your intentions are honorable and understandable. It takes a lot of money to support a child and yourself, even more sometimes when you are not living with your child. Even for parents who live together, often one of them is working many hours and largely unavailable to be present to support extracurricular activities.
Here’s what I know: While children love “stuff,” they typically prefer their parents' loving presence, cheerleading and engagement a whole lot more. Your ex-wife is not wrong in pointing out to you that your son needs you -- literally your butt in a seat -- at least sometimes. I recommend that you review the sports calendar and figure out a way to attend at least one or two games per season. Similarly, during the summer, find time to participate in activities with him. Those bonding moments are priceless and will be remembered for years to come, even as the clothes will become too small and out of style.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)