DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, "Amanda," is too spontaneous for my liking. I need concrete plans to be able to commit to something and write it down in my planner. Amanda, however, likes to call me around 6 p.m. and ask if I want to go to a concert in two hours or take the weekend off to go camping. She works for herself, so it is easier for her to make these kinds of plans, yet she always tells me I'm “boring” or “old” whenever I can't give in to her whims. Have I lost my sense of fun, or is Amanda being too hard on me? -- Forewarning, Rochester, New York
DEAR FOREWARNING: You and Amanda have very different concepts of time. That doesn’t make either of you wrong. It makes you different. You do not need to judge yourself harshly, nor should Amanda judge you. To stop the critiques, point out to Amanda that you two have different ways of planning your lives. This is not representative of being old or young, boring or exciting -- it is just different.
Tell Amanda that the chances of you spending time with her increase when you have more warning. This is based on your schedule and the way that you manage your time. Explain that you will try to be more spontaneous, but you cannot guarantee that it will work. Most important, you will feel more comfortable if the two of you can plan a date together.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)