Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Ex-Boyfriend Won't Stop Messaging Reader

DEAR HARRIETTE: An ex-boyfriend keeps messaging me at 4 a.m., when intoxicated, saying something like, “I miss you.” I never acknowledge it, but it continues to happen.

I want him to stop messaging me, but I don’t know if that’s him indirectly saying he wants to talk to me about something. I want him to stop. Do I say something? If so, how do I word it nicely? -- Past Midnight, Austin, Texas

DEAR PAST MIDNIGHT: Your ex may be remorseful about the way your relationship ended. He may even want to get back together. So what! I don’t mean to be harsh, but I want you to throw some cold water in your face and look at what’s happening. He is not being respectful of you when he texts you in the wee hours of the morning, drunk, lamenting his state. This behavior is extremely selfish and unworthy of your attention. Saying something will not help matters, either, as that will let him know that you are noticing his texts.

Put your phone on “do not disturb” during your normal sleeping hours. That way you will not hear the buzz or chirp of a text or a call. You can also block his number if the messaging gets too frequent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know a friend who went to a formal date party with this guy who happened to be on a number of drugs. He was acting out of control, throwing things at people and at windows. He was all over the place. The people around him told him to stop, or they would call the cops. He did not stop, and they had to call the cops. When the cops arrived, they put the man in cuffs and arrested him. My friend told the cops everything, but left out the part where he pushed her. It did not sit well with her, and I would think she should fill in the gaps to the cops. Should I tell her? -- Formal Dates, Cheyenne, Wyoming

DEAR FORMAL DATES: Regardless of whether the date was formal or casual, it is never appropriate for someone to act out and behave violently. Your friend should have told the police that her date pushed her, and it’s not too late to do so. She can call or go to the precinct to inform the arresting officer of the additional details of the evening. If she is afraid that this person may retaliate if he knows that she told the police, she should make that clear to them as well.

If and when this person gets in touch with her again, she should be clear that she is not interested in getting together with him -- if that is true. If she thinks he will hear her, she can tell him about his behavior and about how concerned she was at his actions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)