DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a nurse at a hospital in a nearby city. I typically work 12-hour shifts for four days and then have four days off. My children are about to be in school, meaning I will have to work around their schedule as well as my own to spend quality time with them. I have been considering changing my job to a doctor's office or someplace similar where the hours are much more regular.
How can I bring this up to my husband? He has altered his entire work schedule around mine, and I don't want to start a war because of a changing job. -- Daytime Hours, Dayton, Ohio
DEAR DAYTIME HOURS: Think positively and present your idea as a solution to a potentially challenging situation. Point out that it's near time for the children to be in school, which will change the family dynamic considerably. Tell your husband you have been thinking about a solution to ensure that they are well tended and that both of you are able to manage your work and family time. With this in mind, you think it's a good idea to look for a job with a more regimented schedule. Ask him his thoughts about it. What may be helpful is if you do not act like it's a done deal; instead, you create space for the two of you to talk about it.
Learn your husband's opinion about this next phase of your lives. Do your best to keep a calm head and to give space for him to participate. It's so easy to make a unilateral decision with the intention of making things easier, but collaborative decisions go a long way toward keeping the peace and invoking the joy!
(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)