DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends has recently started spending a lot of time with my mother. They both live in the suburbs while I live in a city, so they are closer to each other geographically. Now, I believe they spend more time together than they do with me. Is this normal? I didn’t think they would have so much in common, but I guess they clicked. I just don’t know whether to express my confusion about this new friendship. -- Friends and Family, Secaucus, New Jersey
DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY: Sounds like you are a bit jealous, which is natural. Before saying anything, listen carefully. Does it sound like your friend is keeping your mother’s company in a healthy way? Could her overtures be supportive in ways that you hadn’t imagined? If you can see the value of the relationship, you should try to suck it up and just be happy for them that they have found each other.
What you can also do is to be more fully present for your mother and your friend. Spend more time calling and visiting your mother. Pay attention to her needs, and do your best to fulfill them. Work hard not to express your jealousy as this will only stir up unnecessary challenges among the three of you. Instead, be grateful for the attention your mother is getting. Stay alert in case anything about their relationship changes.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)