DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Eileen" is excessively nosy about my son. Our sons are the same age, and she constantly asks how "Adam" is doing in school and sports. I try not to talk about my children much at the risk of boring everyone, but I feel especially uneasy around Eileen.
Comparing children is toxic. How could I get her to cut it out? No two children are the same. -- Unique, Detroit
DEAR UNIQUE: Here’s the perfect time to deflect. While Eileen wants to know details about Adam, redirect the conversation and ask her how her son is doing. Yes, you may have to endure listening to long stories about her son’s education and extracurricular activities, but you will likely not have to answer the question. People love to talk about themselves and commonly lose sight of others when they get into their stories.
You can choose to be direct and tell Eileen that you don’t like comparing children. It is not a practice that you believe is healthy, so you will pass on sharing the blow-by-blow details of Adam’s life. A third option is for you to answer in vague ways, saying, "Adam really likes school. This is a great year for him. How about your son?" (See the pivot.) Same with sports: "Adam is an active kid. I’m glad he enjoys playing baseball/football (whatever it is). How about your son?"
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)