Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Now is the Time to Bring Up Idea of a Move

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always wanted to live in Argentina to learn Spanish and soak in the culture. I feel confident about getting a job there, but I don’t know if my husband knows just how much I have been thinking about it. We spoke about my desire to move to another country before we got married three years ago and he was receptive, yet now I don’t think he’d want to move. We are still in our early 20s, so it feels like now is the time. How do I bring up the option of a move? I don’t want to be gone for long -- two years at maximum. -- Cordoba Dreams, Boston

DEAR CORDOBA DREAMS: It’s very good that you introduced this idea to your husband before you got married. At least there is a precedent for the idea. You need to drum up the courage to state your dream. Start by reminding your husband of your desire to live in Argentina for a while. Tell him that it has been occupying a lot of your imagination and you want to think about it seriously before having kids (if you want them) and settling down entirely. Ask him if he would be willing to consider moving to Argentina for a while. Explore the idea, and suggest taking a vacation together there for starters. This is a way for both of you to check out Argentina and see if your idea will work.

Ultimately, you and your husband need to be on the same page as to whatever decision you make if you want to preserve your marriage. There is no one right answer. Every couple works out challenges together.