DEAR HARRIETTE: I caught my daughter smoking marijuana outside my home while she thought I was walking the dog. This wasn’t just a regular cigarette filled with marijuana; she had a complete glass contraption. I have never smoked in my life, and I thought my daughter was following in my footsteps. She has graduated from college, has a full-time job and is saving up to move from home. I would’ve never thought she could be so successful while being a “stoner.” What is an appropriate punishment for this situation? She is 22 years old. -- Under My Roof, Pikesville, Maryland
DEAR UNDER MY ROOF: Now is the time to tread lightly. It is hard to punish an adult. Heck, it’s hard to punish a teenager effectively. What you want to do is talk to your daughter and find out what’s going on with her. You should know that many young (and older) people smoke from a bong, which is what that glass contraption is. This doesn’t mean it’s good -- or legal, in your state.
You certainly have the right to require that she not smoke at your house. But I suggest that you go deeper. Try to find out why she’s smoking. For some, it is pure recreation. For many young adults who have moved back home, the time can be extremely difficult. They want to be independent but are not. Smoking weed can be an escape. Tell your daughter you want her to succeed, you don’t want her to smoke weed at all and definitely not at your house, and you want to support her transition to her independent life as a responsible adult. Make a plan together that you both work to enforce.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)