DEAR HARRIETTE: When I came home from dinner, I noticed about a dozen empty beer cans in the recycling. My teenage daughter was the only one home during this time. She was sleeping at the time of my discovery, and I didn’t want to wake her up. I think she has a serious binge drinking problem, but I don’t know if punishing her would yield positive results.
I haven’t told my wife about my discovery yet, because she would certainly ground our daughter for a longer time than necessary. Should I try to settle this just between me and my daughter? -- Dozen Cans, Milwaukee
DEAR DOZEN CANS: You are about to enter what is likely to be a tough battle to save your daughter. Binge drinking is an escalating crisis in our country, particularly among teens. You are right that punishment may not be the most effective way of helping your daughter. If she did drink a dozen beers at home, there’s a good chance she has been drinking like that in other places. This is dangerous for her physical and mental health.
You can start by speaking to her and letting her know how concerned you are about her, and asking her to let you help her. Tell her that you noticed the beer cans, and you believe she consumed the beer. Ask her what’s going on with her, and gently attempt to get her to talk to you. Do not speak in judgmental tones, as that will not help at all. Read up on binge drinking -- defined as four or more alcoholic beverages consumed at one time -- and share what you’ve read with your daughter. Here’s one helpful site: kidshealth.org/en/teens/binge-drink.html.
Do not leave your wife in the dark. You need to work together to help your daughter. This can be a life-threatening activity. Many binge drinkers die from alcohol poisoning, and it has also been proven that rape, STDs and other violent crimes occur more often when people are intoxicated.