Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Boyfriend's Tantrums Cost More Than Money

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think couples in relationships should be allowed to search through each other’s phones? I know of some couples who swear by it and do it randomly by looking through messages, calls, photos and social media on the significant other’s phone. Other couples have deemed it rude and invasive. Who is right here? Is it modern-day protocol to share phone passcodes just because you are in a relationship? -- Where’s the Line, Tupelo, Mississippi

DEAR WHERE’S THE LINE: What you are essentially asking about is trust and how you maintain it in a relationship. Sneaking and checking your partner’s emails does not seem like a trusting action. If you feel uncertain about your relationship and, therefore, feel the need to check to see what your partner is doing, that is a good sign that something is terribly wrong.

I recommend speaking to your partner first before starting your sleuthing. Be courageous and ask if there’s something you should be worried about. Directly ask if your partner wants to be involved still or if things are uncertain between you.

I will add that looking at your partner’s social media posts is certainly OK. These are public postings that anyone with permission can view. If you are blocked from your partner’s social media, that in and of itself should be a sign that something is wrong in your relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)