Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Boyfriend's Tantrums Cost More Than Money

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my boyfriend and I fight, he usually ends up throwing something and breaking it. I understand that he feels frustrated by a difficult conversation, but I end up replacing the item or making do without. I can’t exactly give my boyfriend an invoice for everything he’s ever broken! He usually breaks smaller things, like jars or television remotes. His lack of respect for my belongings in the heat of the moment just makes me angrier and escalates the fight. How can I get him to stop doing this? I know I shouldn’t try fighting fire with fire. -- Pitcher’s Arm, Cleveland

DEAR PITCHER’S ARM: Step back a moment and think about what is happening. Your boyfriend is violent. It is not normal for someone to throw and break things in the heat of an argument. It shows clear lack of control over his emotions. Someone who throws and breaks things on a regular basis is likely to hurt you in some way one day, even if it’s unintentional. You need to evaluate whether you are safe in this relationship. As confident as you may feel, I want to challenge you to look ahead to the future. What if you decide to stay with this man? What if you choose to have children with him? Will you be comfortable with him throwing things at you in the company of your children?

I know these are intense questions, but they are real. Think about your future, and then take action. You can attempt to talk to your boyfriend and make it clear that you can’t stay with him if he doesn’t stop the violence. Do yourself a favor: When you say that to him, be in a public place. You do not want him to hurt you.