DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife's children call her by her old nickname, which is a play on their last name. Since marrying me, my wife has changed her name. I know my stepchildren do it to anger me and get under my skin. I have suggested calling her by a better nickname, and was met with snickers. How can I stop my wife’s old surname from being shouted throughout the house? I don’t like thinking about her ex-husband. -- “Mom” Only, Jackson, Mississippi
DEAR “MOM” ONLY: Give up on this strategy. Your wife’s children will never let go of their father and his importance in their life. Likewise, they will likely hold onto this old moniker. By accepting it and potentially even embracing it as a nickname, you may be able to help all of them to hold on a little less tightly.
Do not put yourself in competition with your wife’s ex-husband. Instead, make your own mark. Be yourself. Build a unique relationship with each family member. Let the children know that you care about them, their happiness and their future. Assure your wife that you love her and want to grow your relationship with her children. Ask her to help you to build a bond with her children. Know that this will take time. The best way to forge this bond is with your wife’s help. Naturally, her children will be suspicious of you and possibly jealous. Together you must show them that you are a positive part of their lives. You can do it. But you must have patience.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)