Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Reader Wants to Throw Anniversary Party

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I will be celebrating a big anniversary this year. I want to do something fun, and he couldn't care less. Usually, I go along with whatever he wants, but I don’t want to do that this year. On the few occasions when I did throw a party or do something a little extra for our anniversary, he liked it. I guess he just doesn’t want to participate in the work of it. As much as I wish he would help, I want to host a party anyway. How can I go about it so that I don’t wear myself out? -- Time to Celebrate, Denver

DEAR TIME TO CELEBRATE: What do you think would make you and your husband happy? Scale down this year, even as you plan to celebrate. Consider a small dinner with your closest friends and family. This can be manageable and fun for everyone.

What about a mini-vacation for the two of you, maybe in town, where you spend the night at a luxury hotel with spa, and you have a great dinner and some kind of pampering that you both enjoy?

Keep thinking. What would you both enjoy that isn’t too much work for anyone? Keeping the celebration small but special should help you to feel happy and comfortable in your plans.

Be sure to keep your husband informed so that you get buy-in from him. You don’t want to plan a special activity in which your husband does not to want to participate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my old boyfriend when I was home for Thanksgiving. It was so nice to see him after all these years. I have been married and divorced since I saw him last. He never married. We seemed to hit it off in a sweet way.

I must admit that I never stopped caring about him, but our lives just took different turns. Now we live far away from each other, but it seemed like something could have sparked between us. He called me the other day, and we had a great conversation. Am I foolish for thinking we might still have a chance? I don’t want to be a stupid high school girl again. What should I do? -- Renewed Attraction, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RENEWED ATTRACTION: Don’t jump overboard too fast. Take it slow. But be honest at the same time. If you feel like you are interested in your old boyfriend, tell him how much you are enjoying reconnecting with him. Admit that you are a little surprised at how comfortable it feels. Add that you would like to see if there’s anything real between you beyond friendship. Tell him that you are open for simply rekindling a friendly bond or taking the risk to see if there is a relationship waiting for the two of you to explore. Ask him what he’s thinking. Make sure you are on the same page before you proceed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)