DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that I am an adult, I have been thinking about some of my actions in the past. I realize that I was not so nice to a couple of the guys I dated early on. I was selfish and impatient, and they didn’t deserve that. Years have passed, but I haven’t forgotten how I treated them. Part of me wants to say something. If I remember, chances are they do, too. I’m not interested in rekindling any connection. I just want to apologize for being a jerk. Do you think that’s OK? -- Taking It Back, Milwaukee
DEAR TAKING IT BACK: There is a good chance that the ex-boyfriends you treated badly remember your behavior, especially if they sincerely cared for you. Tread lightly so that you don’t send mixed messages, but do reach out. If it is easy to see them in person, request a meeting for coffee and share your thoughts. If a meeting would be awkward, find an address -- either a physical address or an email -- and send a note of apology. You don’t have to go into too much detail. Acknowledge that you know that you were selfish and unkind when you dated years ago. As a mature adult, you have thought about this and believe it is important to apologize for anything you may have done to hurt them. If any of your exes attempts to reconnect, just make it clear that you don’t want anything other than to express your sincere sorrow at having been unkind.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)