DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has a tendency of speaking his mind straight out, no matter who is around. This includes cursing up a storm. Our family got together recently, including a couple of our older relatives, and his constant profanity rubbed a few of them the wrong way. One of my aunties was visibly disturbed. Another sent a cousin over to me to ask if I could get him to tone it down. Unfortunately, that never works. When I have asked my husband in the past to make his commentary G-rated when we expect guests, he laughs and tells me he will do what he wants in his own house. The reality is he does it even if he is at a restaurant. What can I do? -- Washing His Mouth Out With Soap, Seattle
DEAR WASHING HIS MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP: You know your husband, and chances are your relatives do, too. This does not excuse his insensitivity to his surroundings. However, if he refuses to budge at all on his colorful language, you cannot force him to make a change. You can choose to visit with your elders independent of your husband. Go to your aunties and spend time with them. Call them on the phone so that you stay in touch.
When you plan family gatherings, remind them that your husband probably will add color to the gathering. As elders, they have lived long enough to encounter others who don’t follow all the rules. Remind them there’s always one in the bunch who is an outlier. Your husband happens to be the one in your family.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)