DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is getting up in age and has become crotchety. It feels like everything is a problem for him, and he can’t resist complaining whenever any topic comes up. It’s almost like he’s complaining for sport. I like to be peaceful -- and always have. I don’t appreciate having to be on the defensive whenever I talk to him. What can I do or say to get him to let up on the negative chatter? -- Over the Hill, Boston
DEAR OVER THE HILL: Now is the time to use your powers of patience to support your father and yourself. It will be great if you can ignore your father when he slips into nonstop complaining. Let him talk and tune him out -- his complaints, at least -- to the best of your ability. When you feel you have had enough, change the subject. Interrupt your father and tell him a story. Make one up if you need to. Recall a fairy tale or something that is vividly descriptive and will capture his imagination.
Keep the stories going by offering to read them to him when you visit. Choose fairy tales, dramas, mysteries --stories with enough simple intrigue that they hold his attention.
As people get older, they often respond to the very things that captivate children. Use stories and other activities, such as walks in the park, trips to the museum or bowling to get his mind on something interesting. Sign him up for elder day care if you have a center near his home. Being involved in outside activities may help to stimulate his mind toward positive thoughts.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)