DEAR HARRIETTE: What is the etiquette for passing down jewelry? Is this just for blood-related relatives? I ask because I have three stepdaughters who have an estranged mother. Would it be uncouth to pass down some of my family jewelry? I love them and want them to have something special that belonged to me. We are close, even though I am not their real mother. -- Pass Downs, Syracuse, New York
DEAR PASS DOWNS: First thing to know is you can give your possessions -- whatever they are -- to whomever you choose. There is no rule around giving. Obviously, if you have valuables, your family will likely expect you to share them within the family unit before you give more liberally. But even under that "rule," your stepdaughters would be at the front of the line.
Some families struggle with finding comfort, finding their place when they are stepfamilies and the other parent is still alive. Claim your stepdaughters as your own, never attempting to replace their mother, but being clear that you love them fully and would do anything for them. By all means, give each of them pieces of your family jewelry. They surely will appreciate it.
Let me add that you don't have to wait until your passing for them to receive jewelry from your estate. Consider giving them an item or several from your collection now. In this way, you can share stories with them of the jewelry's origin, of your youth, of your life. Consider each gift a way for you to connect more deeply with them. Your greatest gift to them may be the interaction that occurs around the offering of the jewelry, which will make the receipt of it that much sweeter.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)