DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend "Lizzie" and I have been together for about three years. Although I have talked about moving in with her, she is adamant about having her own space or being engaged to the man she is living with. I live with her part-time and give her a third of her rent money. I don't want to live in my studio apartment anymore, and I want to move into her cabin full-time. I don't want to issue an ultimatum, but I can't think of any other way to get this to work in my favor. -- Full-Time Roommate, Boston
DEAR FULL-TIME ROOMMATE: The one mistake your girlfriend has made is letting you live with her at all. If she had been crystal clear and unwavering in her decision not to live with her boyfriend unless you had pledged to marry her and were headed toward the altar, you wouldn’t be in this position.
Respect her by making up your mind. If you want to marry her, propose and plan to take that leap. Do not try to force her to let you move in if you aren’t ready to make that commitment. She has made her desires known to you.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)