DEAR HARRIETTE: I run in the same social circle as my ex. Things between us ended dramatically, but we both got over it and are friends now. Although we broke up a few years ago and dated other people, we are both single at the same time.
Recently, I noticed my ex becoming a little too friendly with me when we are hanging out in a group. He'll let his arm slip lower than it should as we hug goodbye, or he'll make some joke relating to the past. I'm not sure if he is just messing with me or implying he wants what we had again.
I don't really have an interest in starting up our whole love affair again. How do I shut down his flirtation in a way that won't make other people uncomfortable? I just want us to be friends without any strange tension. -- Just Friends, Weehawken, New Jersey
DEAR JUST FRIENDS: Ask to have a private conversation with your ex. You can do this over the phone or in person -- but preferably not when you are in the company of your friends. Tell him that it's nice to see him again, but that you want to clear the air. Tell him that his overtures are sending mixed messages that you do not like. Tell him that you are happy to be his friend, but nothing more. Ask him not to touch you suggestively anymore. Even if he plays dumb about it, just reinforce your request.