DEAR HARRIETTE: My home is on Long Island, and I have a small beach as part of my backyard. The sand is my property, and I enjoy spending time on the beach. I also invite my children and grandchildren to come together and play on the beach.
My friend's sister recently passed away and was cremated. I know this friend from a mahjong group I am in. I would not consider us particularly close, but she called me today and asked if she could scatter her sister's ashes on my beach. Her sister loved the beach, and my friend wanted to do it in a private place without scantily clad onlookers.
This request makes me very uncomfortable. The thought of having my grandchildren play on someone's ashes is honestly vile to me. I was given as much time as I need to think it over, and I just cannot think of what to say. I cannot have ashes scattered on my property, but I also cannot reveal my insensitive reasons as to why I don't want them scattered. What should I say when I call her back? -- No Good Spirits, Roosevelt, New York
DEAR NO GOOD SPIRITS: Your friend knew that she was making a big ask, and you do not have to agree. Indeed, you can tell her the truth -- you feel uncomfortable about her sister's remains being spread where your grandchildren play. Tell her you have great respect for the departed and know that she is doing her best to honor her sister's life.
You may want to suggest that she select her sister's favorite beach and then go there early in the morning and before the season starts to avoid having any company at all.