DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a vegetarian who does not like to talk about my eating habits. Quite frankly, I don't enjoy the judgment or the ensuing debate about motives and how much my eating habits are truly changing the world. At a mixer I was offered bite-size sliders and politely refused them. One of the four men I was speaking to asked why I didn't have one, and I said I wasn't hungry. He then insisted they were great and I had to have one, at which point I told him I do not like eating meat. The whole group seemed shocked and asked me what I consider to be unprofessional questions, like where various nutrients come from. One of the men with whom we were previously speaking about business sarcastically congratulated me on not bragging about being a vegetarian all the time. He also mentioned how I must be involved in some steroid usage because I don't seem like a "weakling." He immediately turned me off. My company was considering doing a business deal with his company, but now I have to decide if his behavior about my diet is enough to judge him on professionally. I do not want to work with someone so rude, but I am not sure if I am taking his comments too personally. Is it too much to judge this potential collaborator from his comments toward me? I don't know him professionally, but his casually rude attitude bothered me. -- Business Not Personal, Shreveport, Louisiana
DEAR BUSINESS NOT PERSONAL: How much power do you have in this decision? The answer to this question should be an eye-opener. If you have the authority to green-light his company, consider if there is a way for you to address his callousness in advance of a decision. Following up to say that you were seriously recommending his company for the project but you are reluctant based upon his apparent bias might serve as a wake-up call. He may need to hear that he was rude and unprofessional and that it made you, his potential client, very uncomfortable. The way he reacts could help you make the decision.
If you do not have power in this deal, tell your supervisor what happened and suggest that your company proceed with caution.