DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle treats my cousin like she is stupid. She and I are the same age, and watching him lecture her on basic information that she knows is too much for me.
We are in our 20s, and he thinks that he is teaching her about time zones or other basic information, like how to fill a car with gas. Anyone who has gone to school knows what a time zone is! My cousin just accepts this or doesn't say anything, presumably because it has been going on for so long.
He treats my cousin like a student and has recently tried to extend this behavior to me. I am a college-educated woman, and I do not need to be talked down to. I assume my uncle does this because of my gender. How can I respectfully tell him to bug off whenever he tries to dumb things down for me? -- Not Dumb, Detroit
DEAR NOT DUMB: If your cousin has never expressed any feelings about what her father says to her, do not assume that she has the same reaction as you. There's a chance that your cousin may need reminders about topics that you consider "basic."
Rather than focusing on how he talks to her, you can be mindful of how he talks to you. When he turns to you and says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can address it. You might ask him why he thinks you do not know whatever the topic is. You can gracefully assure him that you are following the conversation. You can also excuse yourself if he continues to speak to you in a disparaging way.