DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single 28-year-old woman. Aging terrifies me, and I started preventative Botox recently. I got called out at the Thanksgiving table by my aunt, who asked if I had work done. I sweetly replied, "Only as much as you," because she is an avid denier of her obvious plastic surgery. She was livid and complained to my mother about my behavior.
My mom has asked me to apologize to my aunt to keep the rest of the holidays civil. I refuse and think she should apologize to me. Who is right? -- Not Apologizing, Los Angeles
DEAR NOT APOLOGIZING: Your aunt was insensitive, but so were you. One way for you to nip this in the bud (pun intended) is to reach out to your aunt and tell her that you did not mean to offend her with your quip, but her question at the Thanksgiving table caught you off guard. The two of you have more in common than you realize. Why not go all the way and tell your aunt that you have started paying closer attention to how aging is affecting you, as you believe she also does. Just as she doesn't seem to want to talk about it, neither do you. Ask her if you can agree to a truce. Either agree not to address either of your treatments at all, or agree to discuss your secrets only in private.