DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has a very malicious ex-wife. She is currently manipulating their children (my nieces and goddaughters) into not coming to celebrate a wedding on our side of the family. She claims that her daughters say they don't want to come. The manipulation of children so young saddens me, but I think my brother should let it go. He is adamant that the girls should be in attendance so they can see pictures later. They are young, between 8 and 11. -- Too Many Sides, Pikesville, Maryland
DEAR TOO MANY SIDES: You should stay out of it. Though well intentioned, you really have no say in what happens between your brother and his ex-wife, and adding your opinion may only confuse things. Just be a sounding board for him if he chooses to talk to you about it.
That said, I would tell your brother that he has to figure out how to neutralize the relationship between the two of them. This is essential for the health of the children. Now, it could be that a family wedding stirs up lots of emotions for his ex, which could lead to her not wanting the children there. Whatever the reason, your brother must figure out how he and his ex can come to an agreement on how they will parent their children, what they will agree to keep between the adults and how they will handle conflict.