DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends lost his roommate several years ago, and a little while after the death of his roommate, he lost another friend unexpectedly. Since those events, he has been unable to open up to people, try new things or basically live his life. I know losing people is one of the toughest things a person can go through, but it's been some time, and I don't want to see these tragedies shape the rest of his life. I have wanted to help this friend move on with his life, but I am unsure how to approach the situation since it is such a tough subject to talk about. Please tell me how to help my friend deal with his losses while gaining back his life? -- Choose Life, Washington, D.C.
DEAR CHOOSE LIFE: I listened to a minister, Dr. Michael Moore from Faith Chapel Christian Center in Birmingham, Alabama, preaching a sermon about the difference between mourning and grieving that was fascinating to me. He explained that when one loses a loved one, it is natural to mourn. You feel the sense of loss and have to go through a process of letting go, shedding tears and then healing. Grieving, on the other hand, he described as a state of being stuck in the sadness. When that happens, it becomes impossible to allow faith into your life, and darkness quickly takes over.
Your friend sounds like he is stuck in the space of grieving. The best you can do is encourage him to get professional help. He probably needs both spiritual and mental guidance in order to be freed from the dark space he is currently occupying. You can also pray for him.
(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)