DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single woman, and I recently turned 40. I am thinking about adopting a baby because I can supply the child with all the love and the necessary tools to be successful. However, I have some reservations; ideally, I would like to go through the process of having a child from my womb. My options are slim because the men I would like to date are intimidated by my career, which is the reason I am leaning toward adoption. Should I pursue the process of adoption or wait for Mr. Right to come and sweep me off my feet? -- Baby Fever, Memphis, Tennessee
DEAR BABY FEVER: You have named three different potential issues. You need to make a decision about what you want. If your primary interest is in having a child, be clear about that. If you want to give birth to a baby, you may want to consider a sperm bank. Because of your age, I recommend that you first go to your OB-GYN to get evaluated on your chances of being able to get pregnant and give birth. I had my daughter at 42, so I do know that it is possible. Once you figure out the likelihood, you can decide if giving birth is preferable to adoption.
If you really want a relationship but have given up, revisit that. Make a list of the qualities that you would like in a partner. Be specific. You may not have met the right person for you because you have not clarified for yourself what "right" means. Also, make a list of your own qualities. Include the not-so-good ones. If you have things to work on so you can become a more appealing partner, focus on that.
(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)