DEAR HARRIETTE: After my mother got remarried to a religious man, the family has been expected to pray before each meal. I find that this is acceptable for religious holidays like Christmas and Easter, but otherwise it is awkward. I typically abstain from holding hands with the family because of how I was raised. My father is an atheist, and my mother never really discussed religion prior to meeting this man. I don't plan to discuss my religious beliefs with my new family, but I am wondering if it is rude of me to abstain from the prayers. If someone from a different religion were to come to dinner one night, I doubt they would be expected to pray. I celebrate Catholic holidays with them for the sake of not separating myself from the family. Is abstaining from the prayer disrespectful to my step-father, who is leading these prayers? -- Probably Not Praying, Syracuse, New York
DEAR PROBABLY NOT PRAYING: A few thoughts come to mind. For starters, talk to your mother. Ask her to help navigate this new landscape she has created. Beyond your mother, know that when you are in someone else's house, it is expected that you will follow that person's rules. Given your upbringing and relationship to religion, that can pose a problem. The simplest solution may be to be quiet -- to not recite the prayer, but not to balk either.
(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)