DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become the unofficial marriage counselor for a couple I have known for years. I am close with the wife and have been for a long time. Recently, her husband has been calling me to get my judgment on their fights, probably because he knows I have her opinions on the matter. He's even called me in the middle of the night! I unknowingly fell into this position, and I am in no way a certified marriage counselor. I feel awkward being the middleman, but it seems like I am helping their rocky relationship because they communicate better. The husband is against therapy. How do I back out of this surprise counseling, or at least establish "office hours" for these calls? -- Love is Calling, Muskegon, Michigan
DEAR LOVE IS CALLING: It may seem good that your counsel has been helpful so far, but you must recognize that you are living in vulnerable territory right now. Talk to your friends individually or together and explain how much you love them both and how much you wish for them to work through their challenges and come to a better place in their marriage. Point out that you are not a professional and you are concerned that you are in over your head. When you speak to the husband, tell him directly that you recommend professional counseling -- even though he doesn't prefer it -- because it can give him an objective perspective with proven coping tools in order to support him on his journey. Explain to your friends that you want to preserve your relationship with each of them as well as your own sanity, so you need to step back from being the intermediary for them.
At that point, you really do have to stop the conversations about their marriage on both sides. Just change the subject when they start -- even if this requires you to step away from them for a bit.