DEAR HARRIETTE: I usually spend my Christmas with my big family and a close group of friends who return for the holiday. Each year during the holiday season, my six best friends and I participate in a game of Secret Santa where we all trade names anonymously to exchange gifts for Christmas.
We have been doing this tradition for about seven years, and it allows us to nurture our friendships as we return home only during this holiday season. However, for the past four years, one friend has not been giving gifts for some reason, though she has been receiving gifts. I have confronted her before, and she has said, "I will get it to them" on multiple occasions, but has yet to do so. My other friends are hesitant to say something to her about this matter; however, I am frustrated that some friends have not been receiving gifts, and it is unfair to others that she is able to get a gift without contributing. With the consensus of the group of course, should I bring this to her attention that she should not participate next year? What should I do? -- Bad Secret Santa, Hartford, Connecticut
DEAR BAD SECRET SANTA: You definitely should speak to your friend to find out what's going on. Speak to her in private rather than as a group, so that it doesn't seem like you are ganging up on her. Ask her why she has neglected to buy gifts for Secret Santa over the last four years. Whatever her reason is, let her know that you all continue to love and support her, but if she is unable or unwilling to participate, you have decided that you will remove her name from the group for next year. You will continue to get together annually, but this way only those who actually participate are included in that activity.