DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my husband is tuning me out when I talk to him. He does not respect my opinion, even though I know more than he does, and he disregards what I have to say. I am getting tired of his immature behavior, and I would like to know how could I get my husband to listen to me. -- Dearly Beloved, Queens, New York
DEAR DEARLY BELOVED: It sounds like you do not respect your husband, either. It takes two to cultivate loving respect in a relationship. When you say you know more, what are you talking about? To make such a statement implies that you are smarter and more knowledgeable about "everything" than he is. Even if you have the highest IQ in the country, you are not likely to know more about every subject than your husband. So stop acting like a know-it-all.
The way to constructive communication is to treat each other with respect. That means that you must believe that what he says is valuable and worth hearing, just as he believes that same about you. To get him to listen to you may work best if you start by listening to him. Ask him about his day and look at him when he tells you. Ask him questions so that he reveals greater detail about what interested him. Listen closely and affirm that you have heard what he is saying. When it is your turn to talk -- after he has completely finished his story -- ask him if you can tell him about your day. Choose one compelling story to share with him, something you believe he may find interesting. Tell him the story, but resist telling multiple stories at once. Practice sharing bits at a time rather than inundating your husband with too much information. Remember to ask him his thoughts. Take your time and rebuild your bond through mutual respect.