DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my husband for more than a decade. We have a good, solid relationship, and we have a few friends who have stayed fairly close over the years. You can imagine my shock when I learned that one of my husband's oldest friends who has become my friend used to be his girlfriend. It came up one evening when we were at a party late and everybody'd had a few too many drinks. She became pretty touchy-feely with him, and then she started saying that he used to be hers way before he was mine. I didn't think much of it then, but the next morning, with a sober mind, I couldn't believe he never mentioned that he dated her. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I wonder if I'm the only one who didn't know, and, for that matter, what else I don't know. How can I bring this up to my husband? I'm not sure I want to hang out with this woman anymore. -- Duped, Flint, Mich.
DEAR DUPED: Don't mince words. Bring this finding to your husband. Remind him of what your friend said about the two of them, and ask him if it is true. Press him to find out what happened in their past. Ask who else knew about their relationship.
In the end, if their bond now is truly a platonic friendship, you will need to accept it for what it is. You may want to tell her that you did not appreciate her comments when you were last together. Tell her you appreciate her friendship but are not interested in dredging up old relationship memories.
You can also ask your husband to let you know if there are any other secrets he has neglected to share with you. Do reciprocate as it relates to any cobweb in your own closet!