Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Reader Upset to Be Left Out of Wedding

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a small friend group, and we have been close for a long time. Even if we don't talk a lot, we check in when anything big is happening in our lives. That's why I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends got married a few months ago and never told me. I found out from one of our mutual friends who participated in the wedding. I feel really hurt. We used to talk all the time. While I know that people can invite whomever they want to their wedding, I can't understand why I wasn't even informed, let alone invited. I want to say something, but I don't have a clue what to say. -- Speechless, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You first have to lick your wounds and assume that the reason you were left out was not personal. It is far more likely that your friend got caught up in her plans, and if you are not one of the people she talks to on a regular basis, you may, sadly, have been an oversight. Naturally, that doesn't make you feel much better, but it may be true.

What you can do is call your friend and congratulate her on her nuptials. Without fishing for why you weren't invited, have a loving and open conversation. Ask her about her husband, how they met, etc. Tell her that you would love to meet him at some point in the future. In other words, let the past be the past. If she has a reason for not inviting you, it will come out over time. But don't approach her thinking the worst. Just be happy for her.

Read more in: Etiquette & Ethics | Marriage & Divorce | Friends & Neighbors