Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole


DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a girlfriend who is obsessed with getting married. Most of her waking time is spent thinking about marriage -- from the suit her future husband will wear on their wedding day to the food she would like to eat at their reception. I went to her Facebook page the other day and saw at least 100 postings about marriage.

I think my girlfriend is losing it because she does not have a boyfriend. I'm all for planning for the future, but I think my friend needs to get her head out of the clouds. Please help bring her back to earth. -- Levelheaded, Chicago

 DEAR LEVELHEADED: Your friend has the right to enjoy her fantasy. Is it odd? Perhaps, but she certainly has claimed it, and it sounds like she is having fun.

If you don't want to participate in her fantasy, that's your prerogative. If she asks for your opinion, you can tell her you are concerned that she is not basing her thoughts in reality. But only offer that if she asks you. Otherwise, rather than put a damper on her fantasy, simply tell her that you care about her deeply and hope she will find her husband and turn her dreams into reality.

Who knows? Because she is so focused on getting married, she may attract a spouse. If not, she surely is having a good time on the journey.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents received an invitation for a birthday party from a mutual friend. I'm a little puzzled that I didn't receive an invitation to the party, considering that I formally introduced my parents to said friend. I'm not sure if I should ask for an invitation or not worry about not getting one. What do you think? -- No Need to RSVP, West Orange, N.J.

DEAR NO NEED TO RSVP: The question is, how passionate are you about going to this party? Yes, you introduced your parents to this person. That may have been more perfect than you imagined. They could be just right for one another, while you may be an outsider. It could be that they have become close and don't even remember the introduction. Should they remember? Of course, but it's in human nature to sometimes forget.

If you really want to go to the party and/or you legitimately feel slighted, reach out to your friend to say that you would like to attend. Be prepared for either a yes or no answer.

Ultimately, I encourage you to be happy for your parents and content with whether or not you go. I understand that you may consider this friend rude, but my gut says that she has fallen in love with your parents and inadvertently forgotten why or how they met in the first place. Consider your matchmaking a success and move forward.