DEAR HARRIETTE: I have applied to go back to finish my college degree, and I'm excited about the prospects. I have been having some difficulty gathering my previous transcripts and some other material the college wants from me. The process is taking way more time than I had planned, and it's affecting my work.
I haven't told my boss about my plan to go back to school, because I'm going to do it at night. But now I think I have to tell him so that he understands why I have needed to handle so much personal business recently. How can I bring it up without upsetting him? -- Nervous Student, Bronx, N.Y.
DEAR NERVOUS STUDENT: I want you to take a deep breath and think about your life and this moment in perspective. You are doing a great thing by preparing to continue your education. You should be proud of your efforts and remain focused on completing all the necessary details. This includes being responsible at work.
Schedule a meeting with your boss and lay out your plan. Tell him that your night school courses should not affect your job. Describe what you are going through right now to get everything squared away, and apologize for being somewhat distracted of late. Ask for his support for the next few days or weeks, and promise to wrap up the details as soon as possible. He likely will be relieved to know why you have been behaving differently and proud of your ambition. But you have to do your job.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am hosting a small party to introduce my mom to some of my friends. She is coming in town from the West Coast, and she has met hardly any of my friends. She is pretty shy, so she doesn't want me to plan anything elaborate. She asked me to keep the numbers down. How do I pick whom to invite, and how do I handle the others so their feelings aren't hurt? -- Celebrating Mama, Chicago
DEAR CELEBRATING MAMA: With strategy, you can honor your mother's wishes and care for your friends.
Look at your circle of friends. Identify the 10 to whom you feel closest and the ones you think will connect well with your mother. You may be surprised at how easy this can be: Most people do not have more than 10 super-close friends.
Also recognize which friends are more peripheral. You don't have to invite them, and you don't have to tell them you are hosting a party. You have the right to invite whomever you want to an event. If you don't advertise that you are doing it, you reduce hurt feelings. If someone finds out about the party and asks why he or she wasn't invited, simply say that it was a small gathering.
If your mother will be in town for a while, you may want to schedule lunches with any friends who cannot come to the party.