DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend since childhood has been telling me stories about her crazy nights out, where she takes part in drinking and drugs. She also has told me that her grades at school have dropped, but she shrugs it off as if it is cool. Our families are so close, and I know her mother and father are constantly worried about the people she goes out with and what she does.
My question is, do I help her parents and talk to her about her wild behavior, even though it would risk our friendship? Or do I let the parents handle it by themselves? -- Concerned Friend, Gallup, N.M.
DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: This is a time when I believe friendship calls for sticking out your neck. If you truly love your friend, you have to talk to her about what's going on. You may end up being the one person she can hear through all of the confusion that she, no doubt, is experiencing.
Since she has confided in you, she has given you permission to respond to her. Without judgment, express your concern. Tell her how much you love her and how worried you are about her recent choices. You can tell her that you know she thinks her actions are "cool," but remind her that her life is more important than that momentary feeling.
Ask if she would be willing to hang out with you sometimes. Try to lure her away from her current activities with other fun options.
The toughest action I want you to take is to report to her parents what you have learned. Could it risk your friendship? Yes, but it also could save your friend's life. Tell her parents you want to help. The website www.drugfree.org offers helpful information and support.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister's birthday is coming up, and she is turning 16. It is a big deal in our family, and we are all expected to buy her a gift. I love to shop, but I am a terrible gift buyer. On top of that, I am a student on a budget. What is a good but affordable present I could get her? -- Empty-Handed, Larchmont, N.Y.
DEAR EMPTY-HANDED: I bet you are a great shopper -- for yourself. The key to being a great shopper for someone else is to make that person top of mind.
Use yourself as an example. If you were going to buy a gift for yourself on a very limited budget, what would you buy? What would you appreciate? Think about this carefully.
Now translate that thinking to your sister. What is her personality like? What makes her happy? What does she like to do?
You could get her a gift certificate -- in any amount you can afford -- to the local movie theater or beauty products store. Another option is an iTunes gift card. One time I bought a friend a packet of gold pencils. They cost a few dollars, but I knew she would love them because at the time, she was obsessed with metallic gold.
Thinking about your sister will lead you to an appropriate gift for her.