DEAR HARRIETTE: A co-worker told me in confidence that she plans to call in sick to work so she can purchase tickets for an upcoming concert. Every time someone calls in sick, our individual workload increases. I'm wondering if I should tell my manager the truth. -- Potential Whistle Blower, Jersey City, N.J.
DEAR WHISTLE BLOWER: Going to the manager about this seems extreme. Instead of helping, it is likely to create negativity in the workplace for you and your co-worker.
If you feel so strongly that she is compromising your workday or that of your other co-workers, tell her directly. You can say that you understand how excited she is about the concert but that you hope she understands how much of a hardship her absence will be on the team. You can tell her that you will cover for her during her time off and that you hope she will do the same when someone else, you included, needs a little break. You will have her back so long as she doesn't make this a practice.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been in a contentious relationship for several years. Our son is going away for a week, and I'm freaking out. I'm sure my husband will want to be intimate with me, and that hasn't happened for years. I feel completely inept when it comes to that. It ended years ago when we were arguing all the time. I know it will come up. I'm not sure how to handle it.
My husband is a guy. I know he will be happy to "just do it," as the saying goes. But not me. Help! -- Frozen, Seattle
DEAR FROZEN: Unthaw enough to take control of the situation. Suggest activities outside of the house that could potentially spark tender feelings between the two of you. Go to a favorite restaurant, art gallery or a cultural event. Whatever you two have enjoyed as a couple in the past should be on your list.
Invite your husband to participate in these activities with you, and be honest. Tell him that you want to use the time when your son is away to rekindle tender feelings. If he immediately wants to skip past the foreplay to get to the end goal, slow him down.
Tell him that you realize you've been distant a long time and that the best way to get close again is to spend quality time in each other's company, so that you naturally begin to enjoy being together again.
If you are not ready to fully engage, tell him. Be sure to let him know what you are willing to do. Commit to enjoying the alone time with him.