DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is getting married in a year. She is extremely happy and, of course, I am happy for her. However, she is only 19 and has been dating the guy for about a year. Her whole family is encouraging the marriage, and it seems like it is happening too fast. I worry that she is rushing through her life.
She dreamed about being a country singer. She even said she was not the type to get married and swore she never would. Of course, all that has changed now.
She has lost a lot of friends due to her boyfriend (now fiance), and now I worry that all she is going to have is him. I also worry that this sudden wedding could lead to kids and life at home. Although I want those things for her, I know she has other dreams and is too blinded by love to see them.
How can I encourage her not to rush into anything that will affect her future permanently? -- Slow It Down, Jacksonville, Fla.
DEAR SLOW IT DOWN: I understand your concerns for your friend, but you need to tread lightly. This is her life. Based on how you have described her, it seems she has turned around her thinking dramatically, thanks to meeting this man. That could be a good thing. Her disdain for marriage may have come from a belief that she would never meet her perfect match, and then when she did, she was thrilled. Even if that is not the case, it's still her life.
What concerns me about your letter is that your friend has lost many friends due to her fiance, at least from your perspective. What has been happening? If he is asking her to stop being friends with these people, that is controlling. If she is naturally spending less time with friends because she is choosing to spend her free time with him, that -- unfortunately for the friends -- is natural.
Hopefully, over the course of the next year, she will relax and realize that it's good to have friends as well as a fiance. You may be able to help her with that by continuing to invite her -- and him -- to activities so you can get to know him. You can also ask her about the dreams she once shared to learn if she still wants to pursue them. Believe it or not, there are many couples who marry early and build beautiful lives together. Wish that for your friend.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a really nice guy for a couple of months. It's long-distance, but we Skype a lot, so it's fine. We were talking every day before spring break. Now, no calls. When I called him, he said this is the time when he goes underground and talks to no one. Huh? What should I do now? -- Perplexed, New York
DEAR PERPLEXED: Move on. He has.