DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been friends with "Greg" since we were kids. Things happened between Greg and me long ago, but the feelings aren't there anymore for either of us -- or so I thought.
I started talking with Greg's friend from college, "Charlie," and Charlie and I hit it off. Charlie lives in a different state, so whatever we had fell apart.
Recently, I started talking to Charlie again. Then I found out through Charlie that Greg doesn't like me talking with Charlie and that Greg has claimed me as "his girl." I'm disturbed by this, because I am not his girl, nor do I want to be.
How can I address this with Greg? I want to be friends, but I don't want to lead him on in any way, especially since I have no feelings for him. Also, I don't want to jeopardize Greg and Charlie's friendship, but I want to keep talking to Charlie. What should I do? -- Stuck in the Past, Kalamazoo, Mich.
DEAR STUCK IN THE PAST: There are plenty of unwritten rules about dating the friends of an ex. These rules are usually some variation of "stay away." It may not seem logical to keep a distance, especially if you and your ex have been apart for years. But it's not unusual for an old flame to believe that his or her friends are off-limits.
That Greg is laying claim to you is oddly aggressive, and it may result from some residual hurt feelings. That said, you have the right to step up and claim your future.
Start by contacting Greg and telling him that you did not mean to hurt his feelings by befriending Charlie. Remind him that you two have not been an item for years and that you thought it was fine to hang out with Charlie. Express your sincere dismay that you may have upset the equilibrium in their friendship.
Listen to what he has to say. Let him know your plans before you hang up the phone.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my dad, but he can be cruel. He is often trying to get me and my brothers (we're all in high school) to fist-fight with one another. After we fight, he praises the winner and expresses his disappointment in the loser. The fights usually have the same result, and I am not the winner.
I don't know how to please my dad, and I don't enjoy fighting with my brothers. How can I get through to him? --Sad Son, Philadelphia
DEAR SAD SON: If you have the courage to do so, stop fighting with your brothers. Tell your dad that you love him and them and that you don't want to fight anymore.
Work at developing a relationship with your dad. Do your best to carve out some one-on-one time with him. Engage him by talking about his favorite topics. Tell him about your day. Ask him to help you solve a homework problem. When you do anything together at all, thank him for taking the time to do it. He may begin to notice that he likes this special time, too.