In America, there are plenty of families who embrace the cultural side of religion even if they aren't convinced of the God part. Some children will participate in Easter egg hunts but have never attended a church service. Others will grow up to describe themselves as secular Jews, lapsed Catholics or non-practicing Muslims.
The Pew Research Center finds that one of the most well-documented shifts over the past decade has been the rising share of people who are religiously unaffiliated: from 16 percent in 2007 to 23 percent in 2014. There are more children growing up as "nones" -- with no particular religion -- than ever before.
Of course, a parent can raise moral, empathetic children without religious beliefs. But the majority of Americans still identify with a religious faith.
For a child in such a household, there are significant spiritual milestones, such as a confirmation, a bar mitzvah -- or my own children's recent Ameen, which marked the completion of their recitation of the Quran in Arabic.
This milestone moment made me reconsider the reasons my husband and I chose to raise our children in a religious tradition, and what we hope they will take from it. It's especially challenging when one's religion is as vilified and misunderstood as Islam currently is in America.
Across faiths, people turn to their belief systems for guidance, hope, comfort, ritual, a sense of community and acceptance, and salvation. Religion feeds the desire to be better. It's a way to acknowledge that there are unknowns. Science can't explain certain mysteries of the universe and human existence. From the beginning of time, humans have told stories to fill in the gaps.
When they become parents, the faithful offer their children a foundation of religious beliefs, which we hope will teach them moral responsibility and discipline that comes from adhering to a system of values.
In our home, our faith has a particular emphasis on justice and one's own actions. A key focus is on empathy. The major rituals in Islam, such as fasting and giving to charity, are explained around this idea of empathizing with your fellow human. The practice of daily prayers increases mindfulness and gratitude. Research shows daily meditation or prayer lowers stress and improves mood. It gives the worshipper an opportunity to reflect on her thankfulness, which is a key to happiness.
Simultaneously, this daily conversation with a higher power gives us a chance to humble ourselves, to ask for forgiveness and give voice to our struggles and pain.
Prayer, in fact, can be healing.
If life is a search for meaning, a religious tradition offers a guidebook. I don't want my children to turn to their faith for easy answers, but to struggle with questions about the nature of good and evil, fate and free will, reason and faith. I studied the world's great religions in college and have attended services of several other religious traditions. We are not threatened by the religious beliefs of others, nor would we raise our children to be. The bedrock separation of church and state in our country allows both to flourish.
I've found most Americans are curious and willing to ask frank questions. I've been asked any number of questions about Islam by adults: Why would a woman who is a feminist subscribe to a faith that seems oppressive to women? What do Muslims think about Jews? What would you say about this video (insert link to Islamophobic propaganda)?
Raised and educated in the faith, I can answer for my own experience and theological interpretation -- but obviously not for a billion others.
Parents should be aware that you cannot force an individual to believe in something as unseen or unknowable as the divine. But you can try to instill a feeling in a child: the sense that there is something greater in the universe they carry inside of them. It is the force of love and good and beauty and hope in the world, and it comes with responsibilities and duties.
We can look to our religious traditions to see examples of what it means to live a life of kindness, compassion, honesty and generosity, with a commitment to justice.
Seeing people do good can inspire us to do the same.
This doesn't mean that we should whitewash the role of religion in history or current events. Ideologies can be used for violent or political aims. Wars and crimes have been committed in the name of various gods. Religious institutions have used dogma to control people's lives and women's bodies.
But there are countless moments of grace inspired by the same belief in a divine creator. I'm reminded of that when my son tells me that he's given a classmate a prize he earned at school because his friend didn't have the same gadget as everyone else. I think about when my daughter makes a point to ask for a second pack of gum or another piece of candy at the store, so that she has one to give her brother.
Those everyday moments are just as important as the milestones.