Q: I recently went through a divorce that I didn't want, but my ex has moved on, and there's no going back. I'm starting to look forward myself. How soon is too soon to get married again after divorce?

Jim: There's no one-size-fits-all answer to "how soon is too soon." But this is a question that our counselors at Focus on the Family hear on a regular basis. They have a number of suggestions that anyone in this situation should consider.

One recommendation is that you spend adequate time as a single before remarrying. That season of independence gives you a chance to heal from your previous marriage. Is there unresolved anger -- or something else -- that you still need to work through? Are you finding it difficult to trust again? Resolve all of those tripping points before they complicate your next relationship.

Another key is to be certain of what you're looking for in marriage. Do you want to meet someone with integrity or a stable career? Is a good father or mother for your children at the top of your list? Think through what you really want -- and don't want -- and give yourself some time to search and evaluate. Don't rush into something too fast.

Virtually all relational experts agree that couples counseling is a wise choice. It's been said that: "Marrying someone who refuses to go to therapy is like buying a new car and welding the hood shut; you need to be able to open and repair it."

I would also encourage people of faith to consult with their pastor or spiritual leader before taking the plunge once again. Honestly address issues in your own heart first. Don't just look for the right person; become the right person yourself.

Moving on after a divorce can be tough. But if you're open to learning, you can dramatically increase the chances that your next relationship will thrive.

Q: As a fairly new parent, I'm scared to death of having to discipline my child. Do you have any practical advice?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: In many ways, being a parent is the most natural thing in the world. But there's a lot to learn, as well. The word "discipline" comes from the Latin word for "disciple," "pupil" or "learner." Discipline is about teaching -- and all of us have the skills to teach.

First, make sure your child understands the rules before you discipline him. If Junior hasn't been told ahead of time a particular behavior is wrong, he shouldn't be punished for it. And remember: There's a difference between defiance and mistakes. So, if your child acts out because of immaturity or clumsiness, there's no reason to punish him at all. Just come alongside him and help him learn and grow from the experience.

Second, when your child breaks a rule, be sure your discipline fits the offense. Don't put out a match with a fire hose. In other words, don't overreact. A small act of defiance should receive an equally small form of correction. Again, you're teaching.

Most importantly, stay in control. Never discipline in anger. Unless your child is facing immediate danger, you don't have to address a problem the moment it happens. Instead, step back from the situation until your emotions are under control. Discipline isn't about tearing a child down. It's about teaching your child right and wrong and helping him to learn and grow.

In a nutshell, parenting is about balancing love with clear and consistent limits. If and when you need help, visit our website at FocusOnTheFamily.com or call us at 800-A-FAMILY (800-232-6459).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I really struggle with worrying about ... well, almost everything. Do you have any practical suggestions for controlling my anxiety and keeping my perspective?

Jim: Let me turn back the clock to a well-known author and speaker, Dale Carnegie. Although he died in 1955, his books and seminars continue to sell the world over. He's probably best known for his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." But another of Carnegie's classic works, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living," is a timely and insightful message for this anxious era in which we live.

Here are Dale Carnegie's seven rules to stop your vicious cycle of worry:

No. 1: Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage and hope. As a man thinks, so is he.

No. 2: Don't waste time trying to get even with an enemy. Let it go.

No. 3: Be grateful.

No. 4: Count your blessings. Never look at what you have lost -- look at what you have left.

No. 5: Be yourself -- don't imitate. If you do, the best you can ever hope to be is second best.

No. 6: Make the best of bad situations. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

No. 7: Forget about yourself. When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.

I would tack on my own addendum -- a spiritual one -- to Carnegie's thoughts. There's a real sense of peace in knowing that we're directly connected with something bigger than ourselves. And I believe that "something" is Someone. The Creator who made me knows everything I'll ever face and walks with me on my journey, regardless of what comes along. I hope you connect with Him, too.

Q: With three teenagers in the house, I'm concerned about the dangers of substance abuse. What can I do to "drug-proof" my home?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Drug abuse is so widespread in our culture that you can't expect to completely isolate your kids from exposure to it. But you can take ongoing, deliberate and proactive measures to build up their immunity to using drugs.

First and most important, model the desired behavior yourself. If the kids see you smoke, vape, drink or abuse prescription medications, they're more likely to do the same. (Remember: it's never too late to quit.)

Secondly, create an environment that consistently balances love and limits while pursuing genuine relationships. Kids who know they're loved unconditionally are less likely to seek escape through substances. Those who have learned to live within appropriate boundaries supported by parental involvement will have better impulse control and self-discipline. Research affirms that balancing healthy love and limits helps set up children with the strong foundation necessary to make wise decisions.

Speaking of limits, help your children understand why drugs are harmful. "Just say no" is a great motto -- but understanding the negative physical, social, psychological and emotional effects will build a more complete and helpful conversation. Social pressure is real and difficult; role-play different scenarios with them about how they would respond to pressure and why.

Meanwhile, don't be afraid to confront when necessary. Be clear about the limits in your home, and the consequences -- loss of driving, dating, and/or phone privileges, etc. But remember that drug abuse is often social; you truly become who you "run" with. Help your kids learn to be discerning in relationships. Who gets a vote in their lives? Who is influencing whom?

Finally, remember that even in families that hold strong values and practice ongoing "drug-proofing," there are no 100 percent guarantees. Ultimately, these decisions are your kids' to own. So if a problem arises, face it squarely. Seek help, if necessary. Maintain interactive relationships with your kids balancing warmth and limits.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My kids are old enough to have their own social media accounts, and I'm reluctantly ready to let them. But I'm still nervous about it. Do you have any advice?

Jim: We've all heard the stories. Someone posts an offensive comment to social media and gets fired. A young boy stumbles across explicit content online and begins to struggle with pornography. A teen girl is bullied on Facebook and Twitter. One foolish mistake on social media can haunt a person for years. All it takes is one insensitive tweet, a misinterpreted Instagram picture or an unguarded moment captured on Snapchat.

None of us wants to see our children in these situations. But we live in a media-driven world, and the internet is here to stay. If you talk openly with your kids and put common-sense safeguards in place, they can learn to navigate the web safely and responsibly.

First, teach your children the value of a good reputation. A classic Proverb says, "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches" -- and that's especially true in this digital age. It takes hard work to earn the respect of others, and only one brief, foolish decision to lose it.

Also, stay involved in your child's internet use. As parents, we need to repeatedly talk with our children about online dangers and reaffirm their awareness of the ramifications of what they post online.

We should go beyond issuing warnings, though. Parents should set common-sense boundaries around online time. Begin talking at an early age about discernment. Consider installing filters that will block objectionable content. Finally, moms and dads need to know what social networks their kids are a part of. You might even want to require knowing their password, especially in the case of a younger teen.

You can find more practical advice on our website at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting/tech-support-for-parents.

Q: When should I tell my parents and siblings that my marriage is on the rocks? My wife and I have been struggling for a long time. We're seeing a counselor and we both want the relationship to work, but so far things aren't getting any better.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Generally speaking, secrets are a bad thing, whereas confidentiality is good. When someone who needs to know something doesn't, that's keeping a secret. On the other hand, when the people who need to know do know, and the rest of the world doesn't, healthy confidentiality is being maintained. When everyone gets in on the action -- regardless of who they are -- that's gossip. And gossip isn't in anyone's best interest.

In that context, the general rule of thumb is to dispense information only on a need-to-know basis. If a physical change in your living arrangements is imminent, then immediate family members are going to have to know about it sooner or later, and it would be best if they got the word from you first.

This doesn't mean you have to share all the details with them. Discuss your deepest concerns only with people you trust implicitly and regard as thoroughly healthy and safe. Everybody needs a strong support system you can turn to in times of trouble. Ideally, we all want family in that network. The problem is that family members are often too emotionally involved, too biased and too invested to maintain a helpful and objective point of view.

If you believe that your family members have the capacity to listen compassionately, and you're convinced that their only motive in doing so would be to offer you good, solid, objective and disinterested advice, it might be worth your while to open your heart to them.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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