Q: We have a newly blended family thanks to a recent marriage. My husband and I have different views about school for our teens. I'm casual. He's strict, causing family tension. The school counselor suggests we work over the summer to "better align" our expectations. Where should we go for help?

A: Blended families are filled with joy -- and usually challenges. It's confusing for kids when parents and stepparents have differing expectations.

"Generally speaking, the issues are rarely either/or black or white," says Stephen Gray Wallace, author and founder of the nonprofit Center for Adolescent Research and Education (ecareforkids.org). "It's not a question of whether to have expectations for each other's children with regard to schoolwork; it's about having the right ones."

Make a list of your differing expectations: Do you differ on how much screen time the kids get? Whether to take them out of school for long weekends? To demand A's or accept C's? Talk them through with each other, then with your teens to try to strike a balance.

"It is also important to remember that doing well in school is but one metric of success we generally hope for our children," says Wallace. "Don't get hung up on whether this assignment was handed in, or who studies with the TV on. What matters most is daily face-to-face conversation. I call it 'serve and return' parenting that allows teens time and space to talk with you and surface things that may be bothering them."

To get a broader perspective, Wallace suggests three books:

-- "Teach Your Children Well" by Madeleine Levine (Harper Perennial, 2013). Levine's view is that "while we all hope that our children will do well in school, we hope with even greater fervor that they will do well in life. Our job is to help them ... be resilient in the face of adversity, to approach the world with zest ... and to hold a deep belief that they have something meaningful to contribute to the world."

-- "Love That Boy: What Two Presidents, Eight Road Trips, and My Son Taught Me About a Parent's Expectations" by Ron Fournier (Harmony Books, 2016). The author identifies distinct styles of parenting: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative and uninvolved. "Each differs in the extent to which it is 'demanding' and 'responsive,'" says Wallace. "Authoritative parents tend to fare best in eliciting the types of behavior they seek because they are clear about their expectations, but also engage their children in dialogue so that they can understand the rationale behind the rules."

-- "Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence" by Laurence Steinberg (Mariner Books, 2015). The book spells out clearly the new research on how adolescent brains work and suggests ways to instill self-control and responsibility during teenage years.

You might ask your pediatrician to direct you to a family therapist or marriage counselor who can help sort out differing expectations, says Wallace.

"A couple I know took this route with their blended family of eight," he explains. "The parents learned techniques to steer the new 'ship.' While it took longer for the kids to get on board, they did and are all successfully launched in their adult lives now."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My 20-year-old niece, a college student, will take care of our girls this summer. They're going into fifth and sixth grade. I want them to have fun and practice a few academic skills, so they don't forget what they learned this year. Do you have any suggestions?

A: You're smart to want to keep their skills sharp. Summer learning loss is real for many students. The trick is to integrate their newly learned skills into daily life, says Bill Laraway, who was recognized as the 2015 Teacher of the Year in the Evergreen Unified School District in San Jose, California.

"Don't buy a bunch of workbooks," he explains. "Let the girls practice in concrete ways."

Take advantage of everyday projects such as buying a new fan during a heat spell. Have them research prices and models. Or plan something unique, such as starting a family blog.

Use four teaching principles, says Laraway:

-- Demonstrate problem-solving steps. "Fifth- and sixth-grade math is full of common multiple-step problems that adults solve automatically each day," he says. "Students need to learn them. For example, say you're thinking of carpeting a room. Walk the girls through each step by probing and discussing: How can we figure out how much carpet we need? What is the best way to measure? How is carpet sold? Does choosing a pattern change the amount we need? And so on.

"Have them write down steps, reordering them as new information becomes available. Test their answers."

-- Let them do the work. If, for example, the girls want to go to a movie, make them responsible for the research. They'll want to find out what's playing and check the reviews. They'll have to consider how long will it take to get there as well as how much the tickets, food and transportation will cost.

"Adults make these calculations quickly," says Laraway. "Resist the temptation to figure things out for them. When asking questions, allow plenty of time to answer."

-- Reinforce the basics. By now the girls should have achieved "automaticity" with addition, subtraction, multiplication and division so that they can manipulate the numbers without paper and pencil. If you ask, "How much will it cost if we need two adult tickets at $6.50 and two under 12 at $5?" they should be able to do it in their heads. If not, find math fact games.

By the end of fifth grade, they should be fluent readers with strong comprehension skills. Reading aloud and discussing a compelling book also helps and boosts oral language.

-- Document, reflect and share. "Learning sticks when kids see that they've made a difference," says Laraway, "so I encourage ways to demonstrate this. For example, if the girls organize a neighborhood tag sale with proceeds going to a local animal shelter, have them keep journals. Make a scrapbook of items such as the poster promoting it, photos from the sale and taking earnings to the shelter. Before school starts, review and reflect on the fun they've had and the good they've done!"

For guidance on grade-level topics, take a look at two books: "What your Fifth Grader Needs to Know" (Delta, 2006) and "What Your Sixth Grader Needs to Know" (Delta, 2007).

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: Our school librarian sent home a list of books to encourage summer reading. I was surprised to see picture books on the third-grade list. She also recommended "reading to and with your children, even if they can read independently." Isn't that babying them?

A: When it comes to encouraging kids to read, use every tool at hand. This is especially true during the summer months, when kids' skills hit the snooze button. According to the National Summer Learning Association, students typically score lower on standardized tests at the end of summer vacation than they do on the same tests at the beginning of the summer. (Go to summerlearning.org for more information.)

Of course you want to encourage independent reading, but there is nothing babyish about continuing to read to children once they've cracked the code. The 2015 Scholastic Kids & Family Reading Report shows that 80 percent of surveyed children ages 6 to 17 say that they still like it when parents read with them, because it means spending special time with family.

A quarter-century ago, educator Jim Trelease wrote "The Read-Aloud Handbook" to encourage parents to set aside quality time each evening to read to their children. "It became a best-seller because it promoted the pleasures of families enjoying good books together," says Carl Harvey, a school library consultant who teaches librarianship at Longwood University in Virginia.

Reading aloud with your kids offers many benefits, says Harvey. Among them:

-- It's enjoyable. When kids connect reading with pleasure, they want to read more.

-- It helps stir kids' imaginations. Unlike a movie, they have to envision the setting from the words they hear.

-- It prompts family discussions -- great for oral language development.

-- It hones their listening skills and their ability to focus, a good thing in these days of constant digital distractions.

-- It models what fluent reading sounds like.

-- It builds vocabulary not by memorization, but by using new words in context. It also naturally introduces kids to words well above their reading level. For example, reading a biography of an astronaut introduces the language and acronyms of space exploration.

-- It builds important background knowledge that boosts reading comprehension. This is especially true with nonfiction. For example, an article in Wired magazine about virtual reality that allows people to work together via 3-D avatars may be well beyond the reach of a newly independent reader, but it may be awe-inspiring to a third-grade listener.

And what about picture books recommended for third graders?

"Parents should know that picture books aren't just for pre-readers," says Harvey. "Many nonfiction picture books are appropriate for older audiences. Sure, they have great photos and illustrations, but most are also packed with valuable information in the captions and text. Some librarians buy them for high school collections because they are great ways to introduce a topic such as astronomy or ocean life."

When school's out, make family reading time a daily part of kids' summer vacation. "There's a big payoff academically, socially and emotionally for kids," says Harvey.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)