For Alexander Leszczynski, 22, of North Redington Beach, Florida, it wasn't enough to be charged with wire fraud, bank fraud and money laundering, the Tampa Bay Times reported. The U.S. Attorney's Office in Tampa claimed Leszczynski might face up to 30 years in prison for making up charitable entities to receive Payroll Protection Plan loans totaling almost $200,000 and trying to deposit fake checks to the tune of $2.7 million, among other schemes. But wait, there's more! "When he discovered that the money had been frozen, he attempted to have it released by producing a fabricated pardon purportedly signed by former President Donald Trump," the U.S. Attorney's Office said in a news release. One of Leszczynski's fake charities was trying to seize control of two properties that belonged to Jeffrey Epstein, the disgraced financier who died in prison while awaiting trial on sex-trafficking charges. Leszczynski is being held without bail at the Pinellas County Jail. [Tampa Bay Times, 5/18/2022]

Wait, What?

During a preliminary hearing on May 16 in Saginaw County (Michigan) District Court, a 32-year-old unidentified woman testified that her "friend with benefits," 29-year-old Cortez L. Gill, accidentally shot her once on Nov. 11 -- but then proceeded to shoot her eight more times as she and her child struggled to escape him. MLive.com reported that the victim explained that she and Gill "tussled" over some car keys and he pulled out a gun, which he lowered to the ground. "The gun goes off and the bullet hit me ... in my abdomen. ... I was like, 'Cortez, I got hit. You have to call the police or get me in the car and take me to the hospital immediately.'" Instead, she said, Gill replied, "You see what you made me do?" and fired again at her, hitting her in the chest. She and her daughter ran outside, where she collapsed in a neighbor's yard. The next thing she remembers is waking up in a hospital on the day before Thanksgiving, where she learned that she had been shot nine times in total. Gill was bound over for trial. [MLive, 5/17/2022]

I'll Just Have Water, Thanks

Investigators in Vancouver, Washington, looking into the sexual exploitation of children uncovered another nasty habit of Stephen Sharp, a night manager at an Arby's restaurant there. On May 10, Fox11-TV reported, Sharp admitted that he had downloaded and distributed child pornography. After conducting a search of his digital devices, police also found a video of him urinating into a container of milkshake mix from Arby's. He confessed that he had done so at least twice for sexual gratification. Sharp said it would have been added to another bag of mix and used during the next shift to make shakes for customers. Officers are seeking people who might have ordered a shake on Oct. 30 or 31, 2021, and still have a receipt; Sharp is facing multiple charges and eating institutional food at the Clark County jail. [Fox11, 5/15/2022]

Crotch Shot

Kingsland, Arkansas, about 70 miles south of Little Rock, is the birthplace of Johnny Cash, and the town has honored him with a silhouette of the Man in Black on its water tower, The Wichita Eagle reported. But when Betty Graham, water office manager, arrived at her office early on May 11, she noticed what she first thought was a leak from the tower. Later she realized a sharpshooter had hit the tank right at Cash's sweet spot, creating the illusion that the famous singer is relieving himself. Graham said it could take at least a week to repair the damage; in the meantime, comments on a local Facebook page ranged from "would be a better tourist attraction than Old Faithful" to "Someone here knows who did this. I hope they'll come forward and turn the vandal in." "People think it's funny, but a lot of hard work and effort went into getting the grant to get this painted," Graham said. [Wichita Eagle, 5/15/2022]

Skills

Ayumi Takada, 37, of Tokyo, has been compared to Elastigirl from "The Incredibles" because of her incredibly elastic earlobes. Oddity Central reports that Ayumi can stretch her earlobes up to 4.5 centimeters, or about 1 1/2 inches -- enough to, say, wrap them around a selfie stick, a calligraphy brush or the shaft of an umbrella. It's practically like having another hand. "People always ask me if it's painful," she said. "But there's no pain at all when pulling them or holding an item. The earlobe naturally bounces right back into place straight away." [Oddity Central, 5/20/2022]

News You Can Use

Students at Johns Hopkins University are putting their expensive education to good use. Whiting School of Engineering students have invented Tastee Tape for their school's Engineering Design Day, United Press International reported. The chemical and biomolecular engineering students hope their invention will help themselves and others make their favorite foods less messy by taping burritos, tacos and other dishes closed, keeping the fillings inside. "All its ingredients are safe to consume, are food-grade, and are common food and dietary additives," said team member Tyler Guarino. They are in the process of obtaining a patent. [UPI, 5/17/2022]

Shocking

During an electrical storm on May 16, 15-year-old Giana Scaramuzzo of North Huntingdon Township, Pennsylvania, was inside her home when she was struck by lightning, WTAE-TV reported. At least four other homes in the area were also hit during the storm. "All of a sudden I feel like a shock in my pinkie, and then it goes up my body and out through my leg," Scaramuzzo said about the strike. Paramedics checked her blood pressure and took an EKG, but, shockingly, she didn't go to the hospital. [WTAE, 5/17/2022]

'I'll Have a Beer'

Olaf Brewing in Finland is launching a new brew to celebrate the country's likely acceptance to NATO, the Associated Press reported. The "OTAN" lager's blue label, with its cartoon medieval knight and NATO's compass symbol, uses a play on the French abbreviation for the multinational organization, OTAN. In Finnish, "Otan olutta" means "I'll have a beer." CEO Petteri Vanttinen said the new lager has "a taste of security, with a hint of freedom." Finland shares an 830-mile border with Russia, the longest of any European Union member. [Associated Press, 5/19/2022]

Police Report

Dawn LaShawn Laprade, 54, REALLY wanted to get away from cops on May 18 in Martin County, Florida, ClickOrlando.com reported. Laprade allegedly intentionally hit a sheriff's office vehicle as she tried to evade a traffic stop. Next, she drove up to 100 mph, hitting another patrol car and a civilian truck, injuring people inside, and motioned to officers that she had a gun. But the real coup de grace came when officers finally caught up to her and she threw a fake snake at them. Laprade was booked and held on $90,000 bond. [ClickOrlando.com, 5/19/2022]

Bond. High Bond.

Irvine, California, police were tipped off on May 17 by neighbors to a suspicious vehicle belonging to Yasmine Kambour, 37, and Chris Huynh, 44, of Garden Grove. The 2008 Mercedes-Benz C300 looked innocent enough, but, as NBC4-TV reported, it had some unusual features that James Bond might have appreciated. "The suspect vehicle was something out of a 007 movie," police posted on Instagram. "Officers discovered a device that would flip the vehicle's license plate with the push of a button and an elaborate gas siphoning device that transferred fuel directly into the vehicle's gas tank." They also found burglary tools, evidence of ID theft and stolen property. The pair were arrested on multiple charges and held for bail. Low bail. [NBC4, 5/19/2022]

At the Rio condo building a few blocks from Central Park in New York City, building management has filed a lawsuit against resident Helen Hirsh, 83, alleging she "defecated in the fitness center's pool and then again in the fitness center shower," according to the New York Post. The lawsuit also alleges that Hirsh "screams and makes loud noises while using the gym and the pool" and doesn't always wear appropriate attire in the gym. Hirsh was banned from the facilities but apparently has snuck back in by following a real estate agent touring prospective buyers or catching an open door when other residents were leaving. Management has had to take both the pool and the fitness center out of use so both could be cleaned and sanitized. But Hirsh thinks the suit is payback because she doesn't tip. "I'm an old lady. Why should I tip you all the time? I don't want to live here anymore," she said. [NY Post, 5/5/2022]

Irony

Police were called to a home in Trenton, South Carolina, on May 7, where two bodies were found in the backyard, WJBF-TV reported. The first was Joseph Anthony McKinnon, 60, who apparently died of a "cardiac event," according to the coroner. The second body was Patricia Ruth Dent, 65, who was McKinnon's live-in girlfriend, and who clearly did not die of natural causes. An autopsy revealed that Dent had been strangled; police believe a struggle took place inside the home, and McKinnon wrapped her in trash bags and placed her in a pit he had dug in the yard. They concluded that McKinnon had suffered a heart attack during that process. [WJBF, 5/9/2022]

He Can't Help Himself

Brazilian defender Marcelo, 34, was dismissed from the Lyon squad of the Ligue 1 Uber Eats French Football League last August after reportedly laughing during captain Leo Dubois' speech following the team's losing match against Angers. But on May 10, ESPN reported there was more to the explosive story. Marcelo, who was considered one of the leaders of the team, apparently had an ongoing issue with passing gas and laughing inappropriately in the locker room among his teammates. He had signed a contract with Lyon before the start of the season, but it was terminated in January and he signed with Bordeaux, which is having a stinky season of its own, now at the bottom of the Ligue 1 table and seven points from safety. [ESPN, 5/10/2022]

Bright Idea

Eighty-two-year-old actor James Cromwell, known most recently for his role on "Succession," glued his palm to a midtown Manhattan Starbucks store counter on May 10 to protest the extra charge the coffee company assesses for plant-based milk in their drinks. He later used a knife to scrape his hand off the counter. The Associated Press reported that Cromwell, who starred in "Babe: Pig in the City," is a longtime animal rights protester. For its part, Starbucks seemed nonplussed by the protest, which was organized by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, characterizing the nondairy milk customizations as similar to any other, "such as an additional espresso shot or syrup." [Associated Press, 5/10/2022]

It's a Mystery

In Schleiden, Germany, on May 11, high school students laid to rest a classmate who had been with them for generations: Anh Bian, the human female skeleton that had dwelt in the school's biology classroom since the 1950s, and whom they had given the Vietnamese name for "mysterious peace." Students, teachers and town officials buried the anonymous woman in the town's Protestant cemetery in a coffin marked with symbols of all the world's major religions, but before doing so, they collected DNA so that they might later learn her identity. The Associated Press reported that they had hoped to bury her earlier, but the pandemic had slowed plans to put her to rest. Future biology studies will be undertaken using a plastic skeleton. [Associated Press, 5/11/2022]

DUI

“DUI” has a new meaning for drivers and hikers in the Normandy region of France, The Connexion reported on May 11: deer under the influence. The 30 Million Friends Organization, an animal rescue group, said at this time of year, deer gorge on spring flowers that are loaded with sugar, which ferments in their stomachs and makes them "drunk." For example, they may become disoriented and sometimes panicked, wandering into dangerous situations. Experts remind anyone who comes across a bombed Bambi to stay calm and not upset the animal. [The Connexion, 5/11/2022]

Family Values

The BBC reported on an unusual lawsuit filed in the north Indian state of Uttarakhand by Sanjeev and Sadhana Prasad, parents of Shrey Sagar, 35, against their son "because of mental cruelty." The elders are demanding compensation equal to about $650,000 if Shrey and his wife do not produce a child within a year. Sanjeev said they spent all their savings on their son, sending him to the United States for pilot training, and that he returned to India but lost his job and required their support for two more years. They arranged a lavish wedding and reception for him, but after six years, the couple "are still not planning a baby," Sanjeev said. "At least if we have a grandchild to spend time with, our pain will become bearable." [BBC, 5/12/2022]

Florida

-- At the Palm Haven Mobile Home Park in St. Petersburg, Florida, feathers were flying on May 8, The Smoking Gun reported. Christine Terman, 57, became angry that a chicken belonging to her neighbor, Lawrence Stenzel, had been defecating on the patio. So, according to the arrest report, Terman "retrieved a bucket of pee from her bathroom" and threw it at Stenzel. The bucket struck him in the face, "causing him pain," but worse, the police report went on, "the victim was wet when we arrived and smelled of urine." Terman fessed up to the dousing and was booked into the county jail on a misdemeanor battery charge; her boyfriend, Kevin Avery, 59, was also arrested for threatening Stenzel in the presence of the officers. [The Smoking Gun, 5/10/2022]

-- Janiya Shaimiracle Douglas, 19, was arrested on May 12 in the Florida Keys for reckless driving and fleeing from a Monroe County Sheriff's deputy, ClickOrlando.com reported. When the officer finally caught up to her, Douglas told him that getting arrested had been on her bucket list since high school. So, congratulations, Janiya! You can tick that one off! [ClickOrlando.com, 5/12/2022]

Great Art

When Laura Young picked up a marble bust from the floor of a Goodwill store in Austin, Texas, in 2018, she couldn't have imagined the saga that was about to unfold. As it turns out, the Associated Press reported on May 6, her $35 bust is believed to be a centuries-old sculpture of Pompey the Great, missing from the collection of King Ludwig I of Bavaria since World War II. Experts suspect an American soldier brought the bust to the United States after the war. The piece will visit the San Antonio Museum of Art until next year, when it will be returned to Germany. "I'm glad I got to be a small part of its long and complicated history, and he looked great in the house while I had him," Young said. [AP, 5/6/2022]

Rob and Grace Jones wanted to replace a built-in toilet paper holder in their home in Crystal Lake, Illinois, on April 16, which required them to cut into the wall of their bathroom, NBC New York reported. That's when they came across a most unusual find: a towel containing two McDonald's hamburger wrappers and a full order of french fries inside. Vintage 1959. "We were expecting the worst," Grace said. "I was shielding my kids in case there was any dried blood." More like dried ketchup. "Not a cold case, just some cold fries," she said. "They were very well preserved." Must not be many mice in Crystal Lake. [NBC New York, 4/27/2022]

Questionable Judgment

An American family returning to the United States from a trip to Israel on April 28 set off a chaotic bomb scare at Ben Gurion International Airport near Tel Aviv when they tried to take an unexploded artillery shell through a security check, the BBC reported. They had found the shell in the Golan Heights and picked it up as a souvenir; at the airport, a family member pulled it from a backpack and asked if it could be put in a suitcase. The security official called for her immediate area to be cleared, but someone misheard her, and panic ensued. The family members were later questioned and allowed to board their flight. [BBC, 4/29/2022]

That's One Way To Do It

As his United Airlines flight taxied to its gate at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport on May 5, one passenger apparently couldn't wait to deplane, WLS-TV reported. So he opened the emergency exit and walked onto the wing, then slid down the wing and onto the runway. The ground crew stopped the man, and he was turned over to law enforcement officers. [WLS, 5/5/2022]

Seeing Double ... and More

The Mansfield Independent School District in Texas will celebrate an unusual graduation this year, feting 35 pairs of twins in its senior class, along with one set of triplets. Anthony and Angela Morka are among the twins who will graduate at the end of May, CBS News reported. "Knowing that it's almost over is exciting, but it's also kind of sad," Angela said. "It will definitely be a change because we're not going to be together like we've always been," Anthony added. The district held a special event for the multiples on April 29 at Vernon Newsom Stadium. [CBS News, 4/29/2022]

Bright Ideas

-- Five students at Ponte Vedra High School in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, have been accused in a "senior prank" in which a probable sandbar shark (prohibited from recreational and commercial harvest in Florida state waters, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission) was hoisted over a staircase at the school on May 5, News4Jax reported. "I was going to first period, and there was this massive shark hanging from the ceiling, and it smelled really bad," said Cooper Gottfried, a sophomore at the school. The shark is the school's mascot. The responsible parties may face charges of trespassing, wildlife violations and criminal mischief. [News4Jax, 5/5/2022]

-- An unnamed man in Detroit was arrested in late April for illegally possessing guns, but the federal agents who arrived at his home with a search warrant were more interested in how he made a living: He sold marijuana from a vending machine attached to his house, clearing $2,000 a day, he told them. The Associated Press reported that agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives made purchases from the machine to collect evidence before the bust. The man was released on bond. [AP, 5/3/2022]

'Scuse Me

As Pinellas County (Florida) Sheriff's Deputy Todd Brien drove away from St. Pete Beach to check on a 911 hang-up call on May 4, he inadvertently drove over Robin Diffenderfer, a 23-year-old woman sunbathing on her back in the sand, ClickOrlando.com reported. He struck her right side and mid- to upper back area. She was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries, and an investigation is ongoing. [ClickOrlando.com, 5/5/2022]

Recent Alarming Headline

During a funeral in Lambayeque, Peru, on April 26, pallbearers were stunned to hear knocking coming from within the coffin of Rosa Isabel Cespedes Callaca as they carried it, Metro News reported. They lowered the box to the ground and opened the lid to find that Callaca was weak, but alive, following a serious car accident. Cemetery caretaker Juan Segundo Cajo said that Callaca "opened her eyes and was sweating." She was rushed to a hospital, where she was shown to have faint signs of life, but sadly, she expired a few hours later. Her family members suspect she may have been in a coma following the accident, rather than deceased. Police are now investigating the incident. [Metro News, 5/2/2022]

Florida OG

Even the retirees are getting crazy in the Sunshine State. On April 24, as Herbert Merritt, 64, walked his dog near the Kings Point golf course in Delray Beach, Robert Levine, 74, drove up in his golf cart and confronted him about walking too close to the course. Next, the victim said, Levine pulled out a handgun and started shooting as Merritt ran away. CBS12-TV reported that Merritt was shot in the ankle, causing him to fall, but Levine couldn't leave it there; he kicked Merritt in the head, then retrieved a golf club from his cart and hit him with it several times. Levine is being held on attempted first-degree murder charges along with aggravated battery and discharging a firearm in public. [CBS12, 4/28/2022]

Welcome Home!

After a trip to Sacramento, Gary and Patti Reitemeyer returned to their home in Redding, California, on April 22 to a most unwelcome surprise: hundreds of swallows that had apparently entered their home through the chimney, KRCR-TV reported. A neighbor had noticed a few birds earlier when he stopped by to feed the cat, but the numbers had increased dramatically by the time the couple got home. "We open the door and it's like an Alfred Hitchcock movie," Gary said. "It was crazy. We were ducking and dodging." They called a restoration company to help clean the house, as it was uninhabitable. "All of the furniture is gone, all of the carpet is gone, the blinds are gone," Gary said. Sadly, their homeowner's insurance won't cover the damage from the bizarre incident. [KRCR, 5/4/2022]

Don't Make Me Dance

Police who arrested Amy Ann Harrington, 38, after she rear-ended a car on April 28 in Madeira Beach, Florida, suspected she was driving under the influence, so they attempted to do field sobriety tests with her, The Smoking Gun reported. They asked her to do a one-leg stand and walk and turn, but instead, Harrington broke into "multiple ballet and Irish folk dance moves," according to the arrest report. Harrington also refused to take a breath test; she was charged with DUI and booked into the county jail. [The Smoking Gun, 4/29/2022]

Creme de la Weird

Harry Matadeen, 34, from Hampshire, England, has a wellness tip to share with the world: He drinks his own urine, and what's more, he rubs it on his face. Metro News reported that Matadeen claims his habit, begun in 2016, keeps him looking young and has cured his depression. "I felt a new sense of peace, calm and determination," he said of his 200ml-per-day dose. The skin therapy keeps his face "young, soft and glowing." Matadeen calls urine an "acquired taste," but says that "fresh urine is never as bad as you imagine -- it is neutral-smelling and not a bad taste unless you are really toxic." His family doesn't approve, and his sister has ceased talking to him. [Metro News, 5/5/2022]